I finally bought a new phone mount, meaning that driving videos are going to start rolling out again. Good news!

In the meantime, I’ve still been keeping up with some guys in other ways, like email and Discord. I noticed a recurrent issue that some men were having, which I’ve also experienced myself.

Men are often successful in reducing the frequency of porn use, but fail to quit completely. You might get it down to once a month, for instance, but be unsuccessful in going further than that.

The common line of thinking is that you need to have some epiphany or learn some new technique or profound truth to finish the job and kill your addiction for good.

In this video, I am not offering a special technique, or deeper knowledge, or any kind of cure for a stubborn porn habit.

In this video, I simply give my thoughts on the idea that you’re missing something you need in order to quit porn, and how to stop that idea from holding you back.

 

 

Toward the beginning of the video, I mentioned I’m participating in a program created by Hunter Drew, called 31 Days To Masculinity. You can find the book on Amazon here.

-Ezekiel

 

 

A few weeks ago, I decided that I needed to re-caulk the bathroom sink. The silicone around the edge of the porcelain had deteriorated, and so it needed to be scraped out and replaced.

It was actually my second time doing this, so it should have been no big deal (the first time, it didn’t set long enough before being exposed to water). I already had the caulk, I knew how to do the job, and I knew that it would take about five minutes.

Even though it would have been easy to knock it out and be done with it, I put it off for more than a week. I just felt like I was too busy.

Granted, I was busy. I have a number of different things I’m working on, and a few more on the waiting list. But there was no reason I couldn’t take five minutes and just be done with this. After all, I was more than happy to spend five minutes checking Twitter.

This situation is not unique to me. From time to time, it seems like almost everyone gets stuck on simple tasks that would be so easy to do, and yet don’t get done. We just feel too busy to stop, focus on this one thing, and knock it out.

So these little, unfinished tasks stay in our heads and nag at us every so often. They take up valuable mental space, and add their own weight to the feeling of being too busy.

Before long, you can start to feel overwhelmed. You might even start to feel “too busy” to get anything done. Your mind starts to look like a traffic jam, with so much going on that no progress is made anywhere. I’ve been there too many times to count.

And all the while, we’re aware that we can’t stay like this. We know that we still have to get everything done.

At this point, most will use things like TV, the internet, junk food, or games to fill the brain with enough feel-good chemicals to dull this sense of responsibility, and stop it from becoming too urgent.

And unfortunately, it often works, at least to some extent. So important tasks keep piling up, our brains become more and more congested, and real life feels more and more overwhelming.

And meanwhile, the nasty silicone around the bathroom sink is deteriorating more and more every day.

So what do you do?

You kill the nags. All those little things that are easy to do. Anything you can knock out quickly.

Forget about anything else. Pick one task and eliminate it. Congratulate yourself and move on to the next one.

Chances are, it’ll feel good and you’ll start picking up momentum. Each task you complete takes a little bit of weight off of your mind, and frees up a little more mental energy for the next thing. You start to feel sharper, and the next monster on the list shrinks and starts to look more manageable.

The traffic in your mind starts flowing again.

You work on the next task, then the next one, then the next one. You’re not overwhelmed anymore. You feel good about what you’ve done, and you go to bed feeling good about what you’re going to do tomorrow. You feel better about real life, and you don’t feel such a strong need to drown it out with the easy feel-good activities so much.

Last Saturday, I decided to just go ahead and caulk the sink. No need to think about it anymore. Saturday wasn’t a better day to do it. It was just the day I made up my mind to start killing the nags.

So I did it, and it was done. My mind was clearer. I felt more energetic, and I could focus more easily on the rest of my work.

I learned that, just because you’re not thinking about something this second, doesn’t mean it’s not taking up mental energy. In some strange way, it is draining you, even if you don’t realize it.

These little tasks will keep nagging at you and stealing your focus until you kill them. And when you do, the noise will quiet down. You’ll be able to think. And your energy will be freed up for the big stuff that you really want to do.

So wherever you are, whatever you have to do, however much work you have piled up, start by killing the nags.

See what happens.

-Ezekiel

 

“Everything in moderation.” That’s one of the many mottoes of the modern age. It contains important wisdom, but when misapplied, it can become particularly counterproductive.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with things like playing video games. Or eating a little junk food. Or skipping a workout. Or having a couple drinks.

These are indulgences that we’re often willing to make deals with, for the sake of fun, or gratification, or comfort. In return, we sacrifice a little time, or a little money, or something else relatively small.

And normally, we make these small compromises with the understanding—implicit or explicit—that our sacrifices will not be too great. “It’s okay if I play a little, it’s not going to take up too much time.” “Having a few donuts every now and then isn’t going to make a big difference.” “I can take extra rest days without falling out of shape.”

And as long as things stay properly moderated—as long as they don’t start snowballing out of control, and don’t have unexpected, disproportionate consequences—then everything is fine. Some people play video games every day and still maintain excellence in their spiritual walk, family life, and business. Some folks eat a pretty decent amount of junk food and stay in excellent physical condition. Some people rarely work out, and yet remain strong and healthy.

That’s not the case for everyone though. Life’s not fair, and when different people do the same things, they often get somewhat different results. Beyond that, some people simply have trouble moderating certain actions, period.

In such cases, our little indulgences end up having greater consequences than we anticipated. Perhaps greater consequences than we would have accepted if we knew about them in the first place.

What if you treated your “deals” with these indulgences the same way you would treat any other deal? What if you decided that there were non-negotiable items that simply were not on the table? And that if your indulgences took more than they were allowed to, the deal would be off and they would be duly removed from your life?

You could decide, “Okay, I’ll play video games. But it’s not allowed to cause me to fall behind on my projects, or make me feel like spending less time with my family. If this happens, the deal is off.”

With these terms in place, you’re more prepared to take decisive action if the activity starts to encroach on your non-negotiables. In the meantime, you don’t have to worry so much about how much is too much, or whether you’re keeping things balanced, because you’ve clearly defined the line that shall not be crossed. This is both easier and more effective than trying to measure some vague idea of “moderation”.

And this isn’t a strange concept. It’s the same thing you would do in any other deal. Let’s say you’re making an agreement with a phone service provider. You won’t sign a contract that says you’ll be charged “a moderately reasonable price.” You want to know the numbers! So you get the exact cost, and then if they try to take something you didn’t agree to, you (hopefully) will cease doing business with them.

It should be the same with our habits, hobbies, and so on. By all means, let’s have some fun. Make deals. But draw the line somewhere. Keep some things off the table. Set non-negotiables.

As long as things stay balanced and moderated, enjoy them freely, without guilt or worry.

And if these indulgences take more than you agreed to, cut them out without a second thought.

-Ezekiel